Monday 15 April 2024

A BIG Decision

 Hello All

Well it's blowing a gale and hailing out there at the moment. I was going to do a Tip Run but it really isn't the weather for loading up the car with the pile of wet stuff piled outside the garage and then un -piling it several miles away, when I could be sitting in my kitchen cleaning up some bee frames and potting on some seedlings. And let's face it I'm not even doing that now as I am sat at my laptop.

Looking around me, my kitchen is a typical  smallholder's space. The fire is on, with a couple of supers of honey keeping warm to the side, a clothes horse of washing to the front and washed plastic bags, a bunch of dried chillis  and baskets of onions on a line above. 

This reverie is not without purpose.

My husband of 58 years died last month. He had fought several life threatening illness over the years, Being a big strong guy, with a healthy lifestyle and being extremely bloody minded he had fought them all. The last year or two had seen him struggling with that fight and the last few months saw him doing very little other than worry about what he should be doing.  He hated that I became his carer and that he "couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding" While we knew he hadn't long, he passed away suddenly. I am SO pleased for him. On the day he died he said " I've had enough Gilly" and so he had.

So here I am, sat in the kitchen of the  family home of 43 years, thinking of where I go from here. I shan't make any decisions for some time yet, in fact I am going to give myself a year ( four gardening seasons!) to see how I manage. I really don't want to give up the only lifestyle that makes any sense to me. 

If you will  bear with me I will use my blog to chart those seasons and weigh up the pros and cons of a crazy 78 year woman staying on her two beautiful Derbyshire acres

Gillx


12 comments:

  1. Oh no, death is still a shock when it comes, even when it is a blessing for the deceased in that they aren't suffering anymore. And what a long time to be married, and how empty you must feel. Such a wise decision to give yourself plenty of time to think about your next steps. I shall look forward to following your journey and thoughts, as and when you feel like writing them down.

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  2. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you for and comfort knowing he was ready. I was worried unexpectedly almost 15 months ago, me 57 and he 61 at the time, 35 years married. I'm still figuring life alone out. It doesn't matter our age, it's still a new chapter to figure out; no one will know but you what's best.

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  3. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your husband. I look forward to reading your blog posts.

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  4. I am so very sorry to read this . My 63 year old husband died last year . I was a 58 year old widow - we knew he was dying , but it was a very bleak death .

    I have not adjusted - it was his birthday last Saturday ( he would have been 65) , and whilst the kids and I did something to mark the day , I have basically not roused from my bed since Sunday .

    Please if you can keep blogging
    Siobhan

    .

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  5. So sorry for your loss. You are wise to wait before rushing into any decisions about moving etc. Do blog as and when you feel able - you have friends out here in blogland who care for you, and many will fully empathise with your situation and adjustment to anew lifestyle. Praying that friends and family nearby are a source of love and support through the dark days. 🙏 💓

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  6. What a sensible attitude you have as to your future choices. Sending good wishes your way and sincere condolences for your loss. x

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  7. Oh Gill I’m so sorry for your loss. We are never fully prepared no matter how reality stares us in the face. I’m sure your acres will prove to be a comfort to you and something still to enjoy with family and friends, until the time you’re ready for a change yourself. I’m looking forward to following you along x

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  8. ⬆️ Emma, Northamptonshire

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  9. So sorry to hear about your loss. I read your blog but don't comment very often. Parts of Derbyshire are beautiful. Take your time and enjoy the scenery.

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  10. I'm so sorry Gill. x

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  11. Oh Gill I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.
    I don't know what to say except just keep doing the things you love, for as long as you can, a day at a time.

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  12. Gill, although I don't know you except through your blog, I'm so sorry to read of your OH's death. Take your time to come to terms with everything and don't make rash decisions. Love and hugs (another) Gill Xx

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