Monday, 17 October 2016

A couple of rants


Bit of a rant here.
I promise to round up the grease-band advice in my next post.

How do you react to a blogger whose views offend you? There have been a couple of times recently when I have read a blog of someone I follow with a similar lifestyle (self sufficiency, prepping etc) and they have posted something that I really can't agree with, worse than that, I have found it uncompromising and offensive and it has upset me and had me shouting at the screen.
 What to do? ignore it? put forward my differing view? unfollow?
 I'm actually quite good at presenting a different viewpoint in such a way that I don't trade insults nor suggest the person is an idiot for holding a different view. Many years as a Social Worker have ensured that I can be clear and honest  yet diplomatic (I'm the old fashioned kind honest!.. you would have wanted fighting your corner!)
In the last post of this kind all the comments agreed with the person, with increasing degrees of nastiness and sycophancy and what surprised (disappointed ?) me was that other bloggers-in-common who I know to hold lives/views diametrically opposed to the post say nothing.
Yes, I did leave a short comment.

And while I am ranting.....
 Must couples really have to go to some exotic place to get married? My children and grandchildren, who are all employed, are receiving more and more wedding invitations that they have no hope of attending at times of year that they are unable to get time off to weddings in far-flung places. Should they attend they will have to find the air fare and hotel costs and use up their valuable annual leave and savings (house deposit) for someone else's "Special Day". Sorry, I don't get it! Get married abroad, just a couple of you and have a"Bash" when you get home for all, but these folk end up doing both, as, surprise surprise! grandma and grandad have never really wanted to go to Peru and friends with children might not want to take their babies to a warm country in the hurricane season etc
Gosh I'm on one today aren't I? I bet I'll get it in the neck and cries of "bah humbug" for this one.
Back soon with a grease band post and update on the bees (pretty safe stuff)
Gill



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40 comments:

  1. Sue in Suffolk17 October 2016 at 15:32

    You can't write that first bit without more information!! now I shall have to search through all the blogs you follow and read all the comments to find what it's all about and I ought to be sorting things for dinner!!

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    1. Sue in Suffolk17 October 2016 at 15:35

      Oh BOTHER, you haven't got a list of blogs you follow!

      Delete
    2. Dani17 October 2016 at 15:35

      Lol - Sue I had the same thought but my internet connection is dicey at the moment and I don't know how far I would get.

      Go on, Gill - give us more info... ;)

      Delete
    3. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 19:38

      It's an American Homesteader/Prepper blog Dani. I keep having difficulties relating to this group don't I? ! Not about guns this time. This guy has lots of skills to learn from but his political ideals don't sit easy and his views on "feminists" (anybody who is not "the little woman" or dares to be independent) and on them being the main reason for the state of the US today are archaic and insulting.

      Delete
    4. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 19:41

      You wouldn't read this guy. You don't read US Homesteader stuff. I'm beginning to see why! Gosh the man is racist, sexist, homophobic and for some reason has a real down on people who have paid into government pension schemes and expect to receive a pension!

      Delete
    5. galant29 October 2016 at 21:26

      Don't know what a Prepper is? One who prepares food (chefs use this term quite often) but I suspect not?
      Margaret P

      Delete
  2. Dani17 October 2016 at 15:33

    Gill - I can never understand why people need to almost "take out a bank loan" in order to get married. Marriage is so more than the actual ceremony and most couples - 99.9% (that's supposing that balance of .1% belong in the rich category) - would be better off saving any "surplus" funds for their joined lives that follow the ceremony. We had a small group of friends and family that attended the church ceremony, and then everyone trooped back to our house where we had a very informal, funny and very memorable reception - even when the heavens opened mid-way through.

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 19:43

      The very best weddings I have attended have been simple joyous occasions with the accent on the marriage/relationship rather than the Wedding.

      Delete
  3. The Weaver of Grass17 October 2016 at 15:38

    Second rant answer first. Totally agree. The onlyu two wedding I have known about in Thailand both lasted less than a year. It is almost as though they don't want all their friends and relations to share isn't it? What is wrong with the church/registry office/stately home (if they must) down the road. Then all their friends and relations can share in the happy occasion.

    As to the first rant. It has only happened once or twice to me - I just agree to differ and say so in the nicest possible way. Least said soonest mended is my motto.

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 19:49

      I was the manager of a woman who married in Cyprus. The months up to the wedding were a nightmare of tears when the ribbons on the posies were the wrong thickness/hue/shininess to go with the headdresses and other such stuff and her father daring to ask if she wasn't spending too much on "favours" (don't get me started on that!)for the guest that could attend - not many! The marriage lasted all of 8 months!
      Another wedding I attended was actually in this country but coat a whopping amount and that marriage didn't last a year either.

      Delete
  4. Louise Houghton17 October 2016 at 15:39

    Ha, you made me laugh, Gill! The first rant, and I love a bit of a rant - ask my husband! - I have in the past seen people say they don't feel they can follow a certain blog anymore due to a certain post. I accept that choice but blogs are also there for us to express our opinions on subjects and we are in turn invited by virtue of it being a public platform to comment on posts written. So I'm a bit of a live and let live persaon I guess. Unless somebody really offends me personally I just let them get on with it. Any help? Also regarding the wedding thing. Me and hubs got married in Cyprus. We invited 15 people each, very democratic, which inculded our direct family and some friends. To be honest we wouldn't have cared less if it had just been the two of us but luckily most people made it their main holiday and arrived before or after our special day, and it would have been special if it had just been me and Jon. But these are just my opinions...

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 19:58

      I realise I have been struggling with this guy's posts for some time, but have thought that it was his view and I don't have to agree with him. However, I have found it more and more difficult to find commonalities and some recent posts abusive to certain groups.
      Re. the wedding it is SO good that those you wanted to attend could and could afford it. I suppose it has been our recent experience that young people who have little money are asking their friends who have even less to spend money on a holiday that they cannot afford. My daughter who is a single is still smarting over being unable to attend the wedding of her oldest friend and my granddaughter has recently been invited to be a bridesmaid at a wedding in Mexico. As she says "That's not likely to happen is it?!"

      Delete
  5. Suzanne17 October 2016 at 15:47

    I agree with you on the marriage/wedding issue. As a parent I would not agree to finance such a wedding abroad. How does anyone pay for this? When I've agreed to be in a wedding, I've had to pay for my dress and provide gifts too-does that mean the bridesmaids and groomsmen have to buy their own tickets to be in someone's wedding abroad? Okay, I'll stop-it's just ludicrous!

    I think your view on voicing different views is sensible if, as you said, you present the view, not to trade insults or suggest the person is not an idiot. I enjoyed your post. Have a great week!

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:03

      I think many of these weddings are in fact financed by the couple themselves. Though if you read my reply to Weave, I certainly know of one paid for by Daddy. I do however, know of a couple who returned from their wedding in Italy to no electricity as they had been cut off for non-payment!
      The particular post that has inspired my rant I found particularly upsetting. Rather than trading insults my comment was "Crikey, such hatred!" Not too insulting eh?

      Delete
  6. Kev Alviti17 October 2016 at 16:58

    I've had followers leave because of what I've posted but if I do a controversial post I tend not to reply to comments. Desperate to know which you didn't like though now!

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:20

      I think you may follow this guy too, as we have similar interests. I KNOW that you wont agree with his views on "emancipated" "feminist" women who are the spawn of the devil and the reason for US ills etc etc. All his comments were in agreement with him, including the women followers!
      I bet you lost one or two followers after your fox post!! bit you have to tell it like it is

      Delete
  7. Hard up Hester17 October 2016 at 17:08

    I have stopped following s couple of blogs recently, not because people's lifestyle differed from mine but because the bloggers are SO convinced their way is the right way and they were both so self satisfied and so rude to the people who psted comments on their blogs

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:23

      Ah! I think I know what you mean. I've unfollowed someone because of something they wrote as a comment on someone elses' blog!

      Delete
  8. Anonymous17 October 2016 at 17:29

    I have stopped following a very well known blogger who despite preaching frugality somehow owns two houses! The final straw for me was her rant about diabetes and how it was all self inflicted. This was shortly after my husband had endured a very painful gallbladder removal and had his eyes lasered for glaucoma. His diabetes is familial and we maintain a healthy eating regime in order to minimise the effects. I tried commenting but got shot down so just stopped reading her blog/facebook altogether. Life's too short to have cyber nastiness-goodness knows, it's bad enough in the real world. Well said about commenting. Catriona

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:29

      I know who you mean. I have decided that if you become very popular you receive mostly positive and often sycophantic comments you begin to believe that you really are that good/ perfect/right and folk should be grateful for your pearls of wisdom and not dare to disagree. I'm sorry that you were upset.

      Delete
    2. 50 and counting23 October 2016 at 00:34

      I think I know who you mean. I missed the diabetes rant but it wouldn't surprise me.

      The two houses was the final straw for me. I dared to ask her how it related to her previous view that people who owned holiday homes forced locals out of the housing market and got a very condescending post on how in France people wanted new homes.

      Delete
    3. Meanqueen29 October 2016 at 09:52

      I disentangled myself from the said blogger ages ago, I could see where it was going. Nowadays it's political rants and swearing, and churning out the same old same old, over and over again. When you meet someone face to face you can see right through them, and I did. I am amazed that people are still taken in by said blogger.

      Delete
  9. angryparsnip17 October 2016 at 20:20

    Most of my friend have different political views that I and have more money than I do. But since I like them and we know not to talk politics all is good.
    As for blogs I am the one who once a year talks about what is like to live in a Border City and State with Mexico and why Immigration is good BUT illegal Immigration is not.
    Plus how illegals have impacted directly on my family. Then I shut my fingers and mouth.
    I find the UK bloggers are much more angry with America and have called me a Fucking American because I live in America. So I have learned to not reply and just let it go by. If I like the blog I keep reading if the comments get too anti American and toss me in with every American, I just do not reply. I was gang terrorized by a bunch a commenters on a blog.
    I am too old to read hurtful comments and I just don't need it.
    As for the Destination Weddings such a big no, for me. Unless your family and rich friends that can take the time off go for it. Small happy celebrations are just the way to go if you want family and friend there. I thought destinations where for the honeymoon ?

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Sol18 October 2016 at 07:23

      Hey Parsnip, please dont think we are all like that over here. We are a nice bunch, let their vile comments go. Dont ever visit their blog, or leave a comment. They have lost a reader and to those people that is worse than if you rise to it and hold on to it. They are idiots. There are idiots everywhere, all over the world. More than likely they are jealous that you have a lovely home or something like that. Forget them. There are much nicer bloggers out there.

      Delete
    2. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:35

      Gosh parsnip I am SO sorry that you have been treated so by UK bloggers. I honestly can't think of any I follow that would be so abusive to you. I have only been following you for just over a year (via dear Weave and the coloured carrots) and don't know about your trials. Goodness it sounds awful. I have to say that I think I would find it hard to forgive someone writing to me that way. Mind you when you look at the hateful things people say to each other on Social media I shouldn't be surprised.

      Delete
  10. Dawn17 October 2016 at 21:59

    Ha the wedding thing, my niece is getting married in Malta next year and is upset that the only family prepared to attend is mum and brother, I just said no not going if they choose to get married abroad they are choosing a very quiet wedding unless they want to pay everyones expenses to attend.

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:38

      Sometimes it is the time too. Not everyone can take their holiday whenever they want because of working in a team etc. I don't particularly value my holiday destination being chosen for me either. That being sais it does wotk very well for some, just hasn't been that way for us.

      Delete
  11. Sol18 October 2016 at 08:28

    I think the marrying abroad thing is to combine the wedding with the honeymoon. also in a lot of cases it works out cheaper for the bride and groom, but not their guests. It is also about the pictures! My friend wanted to get married in Greece, so she could have her pictures taken with the famous Santorini back drop of the dome... You know the one.

    As to the people who blog 'Holier than thou', I stop reading them, if I could I would also unfollow. I havent had to unfollow anyone as I dont follow too many people, I just have a bookmark of the ones I must read. But like I said above, some people get really upset when they lose readers. Then maybe they might think about what they write. On the other hand, it is their blog, they can write what they like and if others dont like it, there are plenty of other blogs to read out there. Maybe we should all do posts about new blogs we have found that we like. Hmm maybe Friday.... lol

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    1. Louise Houghton18 October 2016 at 16:12

      Yes Sol, our wedding was abroad but we didn't have a honeymoon as we had to be there for a week to be entitled to get married. We were given some money as wedding gifts but paid for the vast majority of it ourselves, being older bride and groom. I don't feel I have to justify to anybody how I got married at all, things just work differently for some people and it was THE most special day of my life until the birth of my boys.

      Delete
    2. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:42

      Like your idea about flagging up new blogs we like. I have never played the numbers game, though I guess if I started that I would probably really get into it and get upset at losing followers. I lost lots when google made some changes and have lost a few recently for I some reason and could feel my lip trembling!!

      Delete
  12. Kev Alviti18 October 2016 at 09:36

    My other pet hate is weddings on weekdays. Save the couple money but costs everyone else!

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    1. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:43

      Oh yes! I remember that one from before I retired. Mind you I go to more funerals nowadays and they are always during the week!

      Delete
  13. Mrs LH18 October 2016 at 14:46

    Stag and hen do's have become silly too. My eldest son (he was best man) had to fork out for 3 stag do' s for the one groom - a night out drinking, a day at York Races and a long weekend in Spain. The bride had a night out drinking, a weekend plus show in London and then a long weekend in Marbella!! This all had to be funded by the individuals going. Just stupid!!

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    1. Louise Houghton18 October 2016 at 16:13

      I agree with that being daft. I said no to two overseas hen do's simply because I could not afford that as well as the weddings.

      Delete
    2. Frugal in Derbyshire 18 October 2016 at 20:46

      Oh yes ! I forgot those. The only thing they can be sure of is that the friends who attend can afford it and are not necessarily those you would like to be there! (that doesn't read too well but you know what I mean) Those left behind then are subjected to endless photos on facebook, just to rub it in.

      Delete
  14. Treaders19 October 2016 at 19:17

    Both my sons got engaged this month, although only the older one is getting married next year. I was talking to them about their plans and of course their "first thoughts" got shot down immediately because that was just a wish list, and a starting point for cost estimates. My personal feeling is "put that money into yourselves, not a big fancy wedding" and they both seemed relieved. They had looked at "special venues" (they are called demeure in French - could be a stately home for instance) and I said "you live in Switzerland, you can see Lake Geneva and Mont Blanc from my back garden - why do you need to spend money on a demeure"! Again they both agreed with me. I honestly think the smaller, the more intimate the better and I think they will too! Love your blog by the way. Anna

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  15. Tricky Wolf25 October 2016 at 14:22

    I suppose it all depends on the nature of the posts and the subject that offends you. Is it soemthing that they will likely bring up again or is it just a one off post that has got your hackles up?
    I am renowned for arguing with all and sundry if I genuinely believe that I'm in the right so I doubt I would/could keep my mouth shut lol

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  16. Sharon in Surrey27 October 2016 at 09:28

    While it's usually a lot cheaper to get married while on vacation in a foreign country, it plays hell with the courts if you ever want to get divorced. And getting married in some countries may not even be legal in your home country. So beware. My husband & I got married quietly on a Saturday afternoon with a JP & didn't even bother to tell anyone for six months. It cost us less than a good dinner at a fancy eatery & we didn't even have to leave a tip.

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  17. Czarina4 November 2016 at 18:58

    Czarina said...
    Personally I often wonder why people bother to get married at all these days. Everything is so expensive for couples regarding living expenses and housing. It used to be regarded as terrible to live together without marriage but these days it doesn't seem to matter. Btw the eggs and honey were lovely x

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  18. Jean | DelightfulRepast.com22 November 2016 at 00:03

    My preference is a simple wedding where the bride and groom live and that most friends and relatives can attend. But if a couple want to have a "destination" wedding and I'm invited, I simply send my regrets and don't take it as a personal insult. But though I wouldn't get into a rant about it, Gill, I think you have every right to if that's what you want to do! :-) And there's probably something I would rant about that wouldn't bother you in the least!

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