tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post6087907931646594375..comments2024-03-11T21:51:12.985+00:00Comments on FRUGAL IN DERBYSHIRE: Beyond their meansFrugal in Derbyshire http://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-90081038413503278452014-10-16T08:38:25.497+01:002014-10-16T08:38:25.497+01:00I absolutely agree that if you are able to help ou...I absolutely agree that if you are able to help out your children you should. I have myself at various times and have been happy to do so. As I said earlier so long as you are helping whilst they themselves work equally hard or harder towards whatever the goal is. The main responsibility should not be on the parents throughout the offspring's adult life. I am of the opinion and you may disagree that your main job as a parent is to ensure your children can function independently as adults. On another note it saddens me to see how many parents who have raised their children and made innumerable sacrifices are abandoned to a lonely and often fiscally challenged old age and paid scant regard by those children they helped. There are some amazing children but equally there are a lot of selfish and ungrateful ones too! For a number of years we have included just such an elderly person living nearby in our family events. It's not that their grown up children live on the other side of the world or even at the other end of the country. They live 30 miles away, all have cars and yet visit twice a year if that. Another debate I know but maybe a reflection of what happens when possessions are valued more than people. I'll get off my soapbox now, but it's been interesting to see different points of view being displayed.VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-80955669201075226442014-10-15T19:05:59.209+01:002014-10-15T19:05:59.209+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-75744776010169896542014-10-15T18:56:18.579+01:002014-10-15T18:56:18.579+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-80763187895103880872014-10-15T17:07:09.535+01:002014-10-15T17:07:09.535+01:00One major difference nowadays is that most people ...One major difference nowadays is that most people want or believe they should be able to, buy a house. I remember my dad being appalled that both my sister and I were going to buy. This offended his Socialist principles and worried him that we were taking on such a big debt! (because debt it is)<br />The everyone going to Uni thing is pretty new too, with those who don't or who take on manual or unskilled jobs being seen as second-class somehow and underserving. When in truth they are the people who keep society going and ticking along. I can manage without someone who has taken media studies but not someone who keeps the streets clean, provides care for my disabled relatives or mends the roads.<br />I'm college educated so have no personal axe to grind here! Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-5448174494420714172014-10-15T16:34:55.894+01:002014-10-15T16:34:55.894+01:00Well, at least you could obtain a mortgage in thos...Well, at least you could obtain a mortgage in those days even if you had to eat soup to pay it off. We ve all been there. And the idea of an unskilled teenage couple saving enough money for a down payment for house these days is laughable. We live in a world were only those with marketable skills will earn anything more than minimum wage and people who don t work at all will always be poor. Children should be getting an education that will help provide them with a decent livelihood; it is fine if they work in college on their breaks.<br />lizziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17345707661431587475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-90007920896559043702014-10-15T16:32:58.038+01:002014-10-15T16:32:58.038+01:00I think that is the major difference right there, ...I think that is the major difference right there, we did not broadcast far and wide about how hard up we were and it was a hard win badge of honour to manage on your own! I am not ancient so it isn't so long ago but how times and expectations have changed. I had two children under five, worked in an office full time and paid a childminder in full myself from my earnings without any nursery vouchers, tax credits, benefits or even tax relief. When I was particularly hard up I collected my children from the minders at 6pm took them to my mum's then started work at 7pm until 10.30 pm 2 nights a week in a local off licence and I kept that up for several years until I had managed to put a bit of cash aside for future rainy days.I didn't think I was hard done by or that anyone else should subsidise me, I was glad to have work and understood that my children were my responsibility. My mum worked so couldn't mind them during the day but she helped me out immeasurably by enabling me to work in the evenings and sometimes at weekends when I got the chance. They loved being with her and those times with grandma are fondly remembered. VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-80285608087340950962014-10-15T15:35:57.692+01:002014-10-15T15:35:57.692+01:00When the mortgage rate went up to 15% we really st...When the mortgage rate went up to 15% we really struggled to afford food. Fortunately, at that time, we didn't have children. We made a huge pot of vegetable broth at the start of the week. It was so thick it set solid overnight. We would cut a chunk out of it each evening and water it down for our dinner. Funnily enough, my husband can't stand the sight of soup now! I still make it for myself. I've done the same as you though, and given meat/chicken off my plate to my son before bringing it to the table. I know things are a struggle these days for many people, but as you say, it was a struggle for us too, and nobody helped us out. We just had to get on with it. I don't think we even admitted to people that things were difficult.SusanMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09622557936441532144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-74256016915885558732014-10-15T15:25:07.954+01:002014-10-15T15:25:07.954+01:00I know things aren't easy nowadays, but frankl...I know things aren't easy nowadays, but frankly, I don't remember them being easy when we were starting out either. An abiding memory of mine is having 4 eggs in the cupboard and giving two to my husband when he got home and one each for the children. I told them that I had eaten earlier. I then surreptitiously had pickled cabbage(!) on toast (with cooking marg) in the kitchen while they were eating in the other room. This was probably when the mortgage rate went up to 18%.and I was trying to direct every penny we had to the repayments. Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-26498574651226726952014-10-15T14:49:01.140+01:002014-10-15T14:49:01.140+01:00I do wonder about people sometimes! I think if you...I do wonder about people sometimes! I think if you can help your children, great but there is a fine line between assisting them in their own hard work and endeavours and putting your own life and financial security on hold whilst children with far more of their working lives ahead of them enjoy holidays, social lives and consumer goods which their parents often went without to save up. The post earlier which mentions parents who helped out their grown up offspring and partner financially whilst they holidayed in Italy and the parents did without a holiday says it all!VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-47851855281302992282014-10-15T13:31:46.627+01:002014-10-15T13:31:46.627+01:00I got into quite a panic on her behalf. I worked o...I got into quite a panic on her behalf. I worked out that it will take her up to ten years to pay off her debts(excluding the mortgage) which would make her in her late fifties before she could start saving or topping up her pension never mind saving money to help her children.Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-78499347349849998682014-10-15T12:44:55.278+01:002014-10-15T12:44:55.278+01:00It's so hard to get on the property ladder in ...It's so hard to get on the property ladder in this day and age that I see no problem in helping our kids out if we're able. I think that's the point though, the woman in the article obviously isn't able, she's actually living in a dream world if she thinks she's going to pay off her debt any time soon. She really needs to wake up to the financial mess she's in and concentrate on sorting that out before thinking of spending anything else. Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17436932004631816039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-12569948284655697212014-10-15T09:25:35.357+01:002014-10-15T09:25:35.357+01:00My mum was much like yours LynnC and low and behol...My mum was much like yours LynnC and low and behold following her example my siblings and I have always worked, saved and avoided debt. Coincidence I think not! VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-968713785379613592014-10-15T09:20:35.993+01:002014-10-15T09:20:35.993+01:00The issue is not too often that of child labour bu...The issue is not too often that of child labour but of grown up children in their 20's, 30's and beyond EXPECTING handouts from parents and grandparents whether they can afford them or not. I think both the children and grandchildren of the woman mentioned further up the thread who can't afford to retire and is frightened of redundancy because she is paying their university fees should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. If you don't want to take student loans what's wrong with working for a few years to save before university and then woking part-time whilst studying? If the grandmother could afford it without making such sacrifices sure, why not, go ahead. We are creating a population who are always looking to someone else to bail them out be it parents, grandparents, the bank or the state. I have always been proud to pay my own way, such pride seems to have been superceeded by expectation of entitlement and sheer greed!VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-28343288787084596912014-10-15T09:02:02.903+01:002014-10-15T09:02:02.903+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.VChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12326477975870777023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-58652312217116912392014-10-14T23:51:49.026+01:002014-10-14T23:51:49.026+01:00The advice she received was to sort pretty much th...The advice she received was to sort pretty much that which you have read above "..Needs to get a grip on her own finances before she is in a position to help her children".and " Before she does anything else she needs to sort out her debts" They recommended that after this she put some savings aside for contingency and try to increase her pension pot.to increase her pension. They said that as a matter of priority she needed to formulate a plan to repay her debts as,as it stands she has dangerous levels of short-term debt approaching half the level of her mortgage and she must not borrow any more and get out of the habit of relying on plastic or an overdraft.. They gave some good advice that I am sure you would agree with about how she might start this process, beginning with "spending less than she earns" and paying off the high interest loans first and to be wary of when the o% interest loans become due.<br />Unlike you, this woman is in no position to help her children on the property ladder for the foreseeable future, which does not make her a bad mother, just one on a limited income.. no shame in that.<br /> Can't say as I have heard of the "two-income trap" over here, perhaps other have. It is about demand really over here, we are a small country with dwindling housing stocks<br />I suppose the issue of "child labour" is a thorny one and I don't think I want to be drawn into this one with you Lizzie. Perhaps we should agree to differ!<br />Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-83786333854975740242014-10-14T22:04:10.972+01:002014-10-14T22:04:10.972+01:00Well, quite a lot of underlying grumbling about th...Well, quite a lot of underlying grumbling about the younger generation. I would like to know what advice this poor hapless woman received from the newspaper but you dont tell us, Gill. Life is getting very much harder; house prices have rocketed because woman are now working and with a double wage/salary the housing market can demand higher prices. It is call "the two- income trap" here in the States.<br />What is going to be next - sending our little kids out to work. Forty or fifty years ago a family could manage to buy a house and have children and eventually buy a car with just the husband working an average job; my parents did it - those days are gone.<br />Now a lot of people are opting not to have children as they wont be able to maintain the lifestyle they are after and god forbid they should accept anything less.<br />About 70% of parents here in the U.S help their children out financially.<br /><br />Oh, and paper routes by children ? Totally a thing of the past (and so they should be) Maybe we will get the mills working again up North and send them there or down the mines.......<br />I help all my children out financial; I can well afford it and it makes me happy to do so.<br />lizziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17345707661431587475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-36113954598432503012014-10-14T21:33:42.053+01:002014-10-14T21:33:42.053+01:00As the advert says " Because they are worth i...As the advert says " Because they are worth it" !<br />Hello Easy Stitcher, nice to see you here.Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-3413198966136229162014-10-14T21:32:02.398+01:002014-10-14T21:32:02.398+01:00When we bought our first house (we've only eve...When we bought our first house (we've only ever had two) the interest rates soared as did the price of electricity etc. It was SO difficult. Unlike you, we were lucky enough to hold on by the skin of our teeth. The 70s were a tough time.<br />I also have friends who have inherited money, which we have never done, working for every penny we have. I suppose our children will have a decent inheritance when we go. They tell us to spend whatever we have now to keep ourselves comfortable, but we guard a hard earned nest egg in case we need work done to the house etc. It's not a lot, but I have friends who have earned hundreds of thousands of pounds more than us who have nothing put by for contingencies.Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-68268679814759207362014-10-14T16:42:27.805+01:002014-10-14T16:42:27.805+01:00People no longer have expectations but believe tha...People no longer have expectations but believe that to have 'things' is their god given right. EasyStitcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08906106535157760753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-62914787678956753712014-10-14T11:47:47.432+01:002014-10-14T11:47:47.432+01:00We've always had to stand on our own two feet....We've always had to stand on our own two feet. We've got through some really difficult times - rocketing interest rates when we got our first home and unable to eat a healthy diet due to high mortgage repayments, losing jobs through ill-health and redundancy and as a result of this being forced to sell up before we were repossessed. Never once did we turn to either set of parents and ask or expect to be bailed out. We appreciate everything we have and look after everything we own. We are teaching our son to stay out of debt and manage his finances. I have friends who have no mortgage because their parents paid it off years ago, and give them lots of money to help bring up their children or to educate them. <br /><br />There definitely seems to be a shift in expectation. Parents seem to feel they should provide more for their children until well into adulthood. That's fine if you can afford it but if you can't then surely your children wouldn't want to take what you didn't have. <br /><br />People have to live within their means and not try live up to the incomes of those earning much more than them. Too much emphasis on image these days I think.SusanMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09622557936441532144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-25221886601617155712014-10-14T10:02:23.880+01:002014-10-14T10:02:23.880+01:00Times are different now I agree. Though so are exp...Times are different now I agree. Though so are expectations!<br />We bought our first house for £3,500. but then our weekly income was £18!. We had to find a 10% deposit. We sold it 14 years later for £15,000 after several mortgage interest rate increases which nearly saw us selling up. we bought this house 30 years ago for £49,000 (going halves with friends in a commune-type arrangement).we bought them out 20years ago and paid off the mortgage with my golden handshake 5 years ago. Goodness knows what it is worth now. If we downsized we could probably realise some money, but this is now the family home and we will stay here while ever our health allows. Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-6634068441165046292014-10-14T09:52:23.931+01:002014-10-14T09:52:23.931+01:00As I said it is horses for courses. You do what yo...As I said it is horses for courses. You do what you can if you can afford it, but the women I discussed can't afford it.<br />Like you our eldest and her husband are high earners - what DOES one buy them for their birthdays? - it is her birthday today - 47yrs old . While her sister earns only just enough, so long as nothing goes wrong or breaks! Different worlds.<br />Hope C. is feeling betterFrugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-70584935466021339882014-10-14T09:43:34.247+01:002014-10-14T09:43:34.247+01:00It is so difficult when they are so different isn&...It is so difficult when they are so different isn't it? <br />"They holidayed in Italy, we stayed at home " is so telling. I know of people who are being helped out by their parents who drive nice cars and holiday abroad, It is an expectation of things that we see as luxuries.Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-77111561835265250222014-10-14T09:39:37.688+01:002014-10-14T09:39:37.688+01:00That's really what I was saying. The woman in ...That's really what I was saying. The woman in the article is in no position to help her children to buy houses and I suspect never will be. The most generous thing she could do for them is teach them how not to get into debt and how to live within their means. If someone is in a position to fund their grandchildren through college that's okay, but not if they have to work beyond retirement to do so. Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8953248892638598159.post-69621682699195599812014-10-14T09:33:15.210+01:002014-10-14T09:33:15.210+01:00My granddaughter was telling her cousin about the ...My granddaughter was telling her cousin about the car she had bought for £400. Her cousin asked her why she had spent so little and didn't get something a little newer. EGD said because that was all she could afford with the low wages she had. Her cousin coloured up as she realisd that EGD was funding her transport herself, while she had had a nice nifty little number bought for her by mummy and daddy and that they would also be paying the running costs.<br />Different worlds!Frugal in Derbyshire https://www.blogger.com/profile/10221169113482164565noreply@blogger.com